Dreams and Destiny

Twenty-four hours ago, I left My friends place unsure about where destiny would take Me.  I had spent the last six months living with My parents to save money – not the most flattering situation for a grown man!  I bought the most beautiful engagement ring I could find (which just so happened to fit My fiancé perfectly without any adjustments), spent a week with her in Canada so she could meet My family, went to the Japanese Embassy in Canada to get paperwork rolling for a proper visa that would allow Me to work and believed that soon I would be starting a new life with the woman I love in Japan.

However, no matter how much one may try to prepare themselves for something, anything can happen and You can never be fully prepared for the unexpected.  One week before I am preparing to leave, the visa office sends Me an e-mail telling Me that they need a photocopy of My fiancé’s passport before they can complete the paperwork.  I forward the letter to My love who responds to tell Me for the first time that she is having second thoughts.  She will not send the fax because she does not think We are ready.  She thinks it will be difficult for Me to find a job in Japan because she lives in a smaller city and the economy is not so good.  She is starting to think Our future may be difficult and it immediately began to manifest itself into reality.  Without a proper visa and permission to work in Japan, My ability to provide for her in any traditional sense has come to a screeching halt.  Our life has already become considerably more difficult.

At this point I have already done all I can do, I am completely at the mercy of the woman I love and if she is not ready to marry Me, if she no longer believes We can do it, then We won’t.  Her belief will make it a reality.  I know there is unlimited potential waiting for Me in Japan…  If only she could see it too…  But I have to accept the reality that she may not want to.

As I started to think about the uncertainty of My future, I knew I had to be true to Myself.  I believed I would return to Japan in October to start a new life.  My fiancé may not believe We can do it – but I know I can.  I could have let all of this destroy My dream but I believe I create My own destiny and I still had a non-refundable one way ticket to Japan.

When I went to the embassy to pick up the visa, it had not been processed because My fiancé had not faxed her passport photo.  I have researched visas extensively and have been told that a person cannot enter Japan without a return ticket or visa.  So I asked the Embassy worker if he felt I would be able to get into Japan.  My family was worried enough about Me already, I could not be completely honest about what he said to Me.

“I think You can’t get into Japan without visa, sorry it is very difficult.”

I felt My heart sink.  With no real ammunition to come back with, I said, “No, I think they will let Me in.”

He smiled and said, “You can try…”, but it was not at all optimistic.

So I decided that My plane ticket was My destiny.  I had no idea if they would let Me into Japan or if I would be held in customs and deported back to Canada.  I had no idea if My fiancé still wanted to marry Me.  She had told Me she would break up with Me if I came to Japan, but she didn’t give Me any assurance she was still anxious to marry Me if I stayed.  For all I knew, I could miss My flight in a desperate attempt to save My relationship, only to find out she no longer intended to marry Me anyway but didn’t want to have to tell Me face to face.  The only way to know for sure was to go, or at least try…  My fate lay in My plane ticket and if they didn’t let Me in, I would know it was not meant to be…

There is something beautiful about uncertainty.  I literally had no idea where I might end up when I headed to the airport Thursday afternoon.  I firmly planted in My mind that wherever I was, I would be exactly where I am meant to be.  I am now writing from a hotel room in Shimodate and although there is work to be done, We are still engaged.